Missing Dan...caution, this may be depressing. I just need to vent really bad right now.

Man I am missing Dan so much right now. He has been gone for 3 months today on the 19th. 3 months ago in a couple minutes from now will be about when the mortuary came to take him away. It was so hard watching that van pull away. We dressed him in a white onesie that was a hand-me-down. It was the only all-white that we had that would fit him, and it was perfect. It was from his little friend Dominic. We put white socks on his teeny feet, that were too big for him. But they were still perfect. I was so upset when spit up or whatever comes up got on the onesie, i wanted him to be in perfect white clothing. its hard for me to not care about those weird little things. he was buried in a handsome white tuxedo, with our favorite family photo, his super mario plush toy, a miracle dan bracelet on his wrist, letters from mom and dad, and a gold angel moroni pin from his grandma wynn. he looked so handsome and peaceful, but it didnt look like my dan. that tux made him look a few months older- it was so big on him. i remember going to the store to find a tux, even the preemie size was too big on him. i wanted to be buying a baby blessing outfit, but i had to buy a tux that he was to be buried in. i miss him so much. i hope he is with me when im smiling, and i hope he knows how much i miss him during moments like this. i've seen so many cute babies with brown hair this week its just ripping at my heart.